Famous Crossovers: Mercs Versus Magic
by TheMysteriousGuy
Summary: Pyro leads the lovable men of Tf2 into the land of ponies, magic, and friendship. Hilarity ensues. Rated T for violence, suggestive themes, and use of alcohol and tobacco
1. Chapter 1

First of all, this is my first story, which means there might and probably will be some errors. Please do not hesitate to tell me what and where they are if you see any. Second, this and other stories will be based around crossovers from popular media, such as videogames and TV shows. This one is about the recurring link I have seen with _My Little Pony_ and _Team Fortress 2_. If you have played the latter, you know what I'm talking about. Finally, I use "he" for Pyro because, according to science, he is a man. (Thanks to Game Theory for showing me this)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters, places, or ideas found in either _My Little Pony_ or _Team Fortress 2_.

* * *

The day it all started should have tipped someone off that it was going to be a weird day. First of all, it was raining, which, in the arid zone of Dustbowl, was rare. Second of all, Blutarch's men had fled the vicinity before Redmond's had gotten to the final control point. And, maybe most of all, Heavy had run out of sandwiches to eat.

He was in the Red team infirmary now, worrying himself to the grave over whether he would have a lunch. Medic was flustered as well, anxious to get back to a project with Engineer but forced to get Heavy's lung working again. Pyro was in the corner "licking his lollipop," and the others were outside, admiring the New Mexican rain.

"How long can this take, doctor?" the Russian asked yet again. "I feel like big man, so let me out!"

"You are missing half a lung, _mein freund._ You are in no shape to be cooking." He felt around for a needle and began attaching the lower portion of the big man's lung to the rest of it. "Remember vat happened last time you made a sandwich?"

Heavy groaned, but managed to make it until he was closed up again, and strutted out of the infirmary like a new man. Looking out at the rainy afternoon, a thought entered his mind. "Time to clean Sascha!" he grinned. Anything to take his mind off of food would be fun, and Sascha was getting dirty, anyway.

Heavy sat under the roof near the final point and got out a jar of liquid and a paintbrush. He began lovingly applying the polish as if he wasn't the roughneck, Russian slayer-of-men everyone saw. He didn't notice when someone took the jar and switched it with another, before disappearing with the true polish.

Heavy dipped his brush in the jar without looking away from his gun. He was about to continue painting the end of the barrel when he noticed that the liquid on the brush was no longer black. It seemed kind of…

Yellow.

* * *

"I put twenty on Scout getting hit," Soldier stated, throwing a bill onto the table near Blu's former spawn. Scout was staring at the end of sniper's barrel, an apple atop his head. Sniper was aiming for the apple, of course, but with the rain…

"Yer on!" Demoman yelled, throwing a two tens of his own onto the table and taking a swig of his whiskey. "Sniper's the best shot I've ever laid me eyes on!"

"Would you hurry it up already?" Scout asked, not a little jumpy from what he was doing. "It's getting kinda cold out here, and I just wanna get this over with."

So sniper took the shot.

Scout opened his eyes and quickly jumped out of his fetal position on the ground. He saw the apple in pieces and cheered over the fact that he wasn't dead, before reclaiming his headset, which had fallen to the ground. "Take that!" Demo cheered, before grabbing all the cash.

Sniper was about to set up a challenge for Demoman when he saw a large Russian missile headed straight towards him.

* * *

A few seconds later, Heavy had Sniper up against a wall, a fist in his face. "Why you put Jarate in Sascha's soap?" he yelled at the top of his newly fixed lungs.

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, mate," Sniper stuttered before getting a punch in the gut.

"Your jar of piss is on my brush!" Heavy exclaimed, holding his utensil up close to Sniper's face. "I want to know why!"

Before sniper could respond, a laughing noise came from the shadows. "SPY!" Heavy and Sniper both yelled at the same time.

"Did you forget about me?" Spy managed to get out between laughs as he uncloaked. "The look on your face, Heavy…" His expression quickly changed from joy to terror as both his victims advanced on him. Just before Heavy's fist met Spy's face, Engie rounded the corner. "Y'all get to the north infirmary; Medic and I have somethin' to show you," he shouted before rounding the corner again and running back away excitedly.

"We will finish this later, frenchie," Sniper growled, before turning away. After forcing themselves not to laugh, Scout, Soldier, and Demo followed the other three to where Engie had pointed them.

* * *

When they got there, they saw a very happy Medic and Engineer standing near a large archway that looked very futuristic. "You will never believe vat we have done!" Medic told them. "It is… A dimensional portal!"

"My teleporters combined with Doc's medigun technology let us make a pathway to other places on time and space!" Engie took his turn to explain. "Imagine if we could get to the next battlefield before our enemies ever even knew there was a battle there! We would win this war in no time flat!"

"Maybe I could see your mother before she had you," Spy whispered to Scout, who lost it.

"You know what, you can leave my mother alone! I have no idea why-" He was cut off by another back-handed insult from Demoman, and the entire conversation just went downhill from there.

* * *

_ Balloonicorn whinnied and tugged Pyro over to the big donut. He poked it with his lollipop, wondering what Balloonicorn was so excited about. Then, he saw what looked like a pink gumdrop opening in the donut's center, driving a small giggle and clap from him. With one last neigh from Balloonicorn, he grabbed his rainblower and crawled through._

* * *

"… Didn't care if they were civilians, they looked evil!" Soldier screamed, before noticing what Pyro was doing. "That portal is open, and Pyro is going in!" Then, as an afterthought, "I was supposed to be first!"

"Ve have not calibrated it yet! Where is he going to end up?" Medic yelled, running after Pyro. In their attempts to get Pyro, all nine mercs ended up in the portal, which then closed unceremoniously.

"If only your mother were here!" Spy taunted, and they all went after Pyro as the very space around them distorted.

* * *

The next chapter should be out in a very short while, and will be from the ponies' point of view.


	2. Chapter 2

This is from the view of the ponies, Twilight Sparkle in particular. Don't get mad if I make some mistakes about the pony world; that's more of my sister's area of expertise.

* * *

Twilight sparkle woke up just as she would any other day: by a rapid and obnoxious pounding on her door. Knowing what was about to happen, she walked downstairs and opened the door.

"TWILIGHT GUESS WHAT?" shouted Pinkypie from a distance of about two inches away. "GUESS WHAT? SERIOUSLY IT'S SO EXITING!"

"Calm down!" Twilight screeched back, waiting for the ringing in her ears to go away. "What is it? If this is another one of Rainbowdash's pranks, it's going to get ugly."

"NOPE GUESS-"

"OKAY! Now, is it that you found some… candy?" she asked hopefully. When Pinkypie shook her head, she tried again. "It's someone's birthday and they're having a party?"

Pinkypie couldn't take it anymore. "THERE'S SOMETHING WEIRD AND MAGICAL GOING ON OVER THE HILL COME QUICK!" She then ran away faster than she had ever run before, bowling over many other ponies that were headed in the same direction.

"What could that be?" Twilight wondered to herself. "I'll bring a few books just in case." She grabbed three volumes, _Odd Happenings in History_, _Paranormal Events_, and _The Magic of Space and Time_. As a final thought, she mentally slapped Spike into consciousness and led him off.

* * *

When they got there, all of Ponyville was standing in a wide circle around a bright light. She pushed her way to the center of the ring, where she saw all her friends admiring its multicolored appearance and gentle waves of heat. "Where is Fluttershy?" Twilight asked, not seeing the gentlest of her friends.

"Hiding," Rainbowdash replied simply. "She was afraid it would eat her pets."

"What on Earth could it be?" Rarity asked, prodding a hoof into the swirling pattern. "It feels so… fuzzy!"

"Don't touch it!" warned Twilight, before opening one of her books and searching the contents. Seeing nothing similar to what she was looking at in real life, she tossed _Paranormal Events_ to the side and began searching _The Magic of Space and Time_. "There has to be something… Ah-hah!" She cheered, before looking at the very first entry in the book. "It's a rip in time!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Applejack replied. "You're the smart one, now explain the darn thing!"

"Well, this is the result when somebody tries to use teleportation before their magic isn't fully charged. Instead of just going through space, whoever is going through will jump vast numbers of years into the future or past! We might meet the ponies of the future!"

"What if it's the Wonderbolts?" Rainbowdash jumped with joy. "Or their parents? Or THEIR parents? Or even-"

"You are starting to sound like Pinkypie when she eats sugar!" Twilight silenced the Pegasus. "Chances are, we don't even know who it is, or when they will be here. But…" She began browsing the history book. "This could be one of Discord's ploys to bring chaos, so I'll look to see if there have been any similar incidents in the past."

"WHAT IF THEY HAVE CUPCAKES?" Pinkypie thought out loud.

* * *

After everyone recovered from the shock wave, Rarity said, quite calmly and plainly, "Shut up."

Normally, this would have begun one of the friends' rougher days, but just then the vortex in front of them got brighter. "Get back!" Twilight ordered, still flipping furiously (And, let's face it, hopelessly) through the gigantic encyclopedia. "I need to find-"

The mass of energy exploded violently outward as it was simultaneously thrown across the ground. The ponies picked themselves back up off of the ground and stared at the portal, which was now clear and far enough for them to tell that it was, indeed, a portal. Many of them ran for their homes or to the Everfree Forest to get Zechorah to heal their bruises and wounds. Twilight remained, using her magic to zoom in on the scene across the hill.

She couldn't exactly explain what she was seeing, but it appeared as if a lone figure skipped out of the portal in what seemed like a happy prance, heading away from her. Then, just as she was about to follow it, eight more stepped out, looked around somewhat dazedly, and then took off towards the first. She was about to try following them again when the portal exploded in a great green blast.

Somewhat skeptical now, she waited for any more interruptions to pass by, but none did. Of course, until the second she started moving.

That's when a bird used her head as target practice.

"FINE!" She shouted at the world in general, and left to her house to read up on her mystical creatures. Specifically the ones that walk on two legs.

* * *

We'll see some action in the next chapter, which will go back to the mercs' point of view.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is back in the Tf2 characters' point of view. Also, the part with the gunboats does not exactly follow the item's in-game description. I am aware.

* * *

_Pyro jumped out the other side of the donut to see a world he had only dreamed of. Puffy clouds filled the sky, birds sang, and woodland creatures roamed free. He jumped with joy and began on his merry way._

_ A bunny came up to his feet and smiled. Pyro smiled back, and decided that today seemed particularly joyful. He bent down and offered the bunny a bite of his lollipop, which it accepted with glee. Feeling better than he ever had in his life about finding a new place to explore, he jogged off with his rainblower, lollipop, and Balloonicorn, leaving the bunny to hop and play in the field._

* * *

Scout hit the ground first. He jumped up and, after finding his scattergun and bat nearby, realized a happy fact. "I'm alive!" he proclaimed, laughing at the unexpected feeling of life. Then he looked back at where he had come out. "Oh, no no no NO NO NO-"

A large, Russian man landed on top of him, followed by more various sizes of assassins and mercenaries. "Mrrph mmph mm…" was all that he could get out of his mouth, what with the 300+ strongman atop him.

"What was noise?" Heavy asked, confused.

"GET OFF ME!" Scout managed to choke out. He climbed out from under him, and, as they all left the pile of people, they each reclaimed their items and weapons.

"Oh, I was ready to lose it!" Spy sighed as he pulled out a cigarette. As soon as he lit it, Soldier snatched it out of his hands. "What is your problem?" He yelped in surprise.

"We don't know where we are! This world may be filled with hostile beasts, Blu clones, or a FLAMMABLE ATMOSPHERE!" Soldier glared, before proceeding to light a cigar he had on hand.

While spy tried to inform Soldier of the pure idiocy he had just uttered, and Heavy was one step away from making out with Sascha, Demoman had found his weapons and was taking another swig of his seemingly endless supply of whiskey. As he fought off the temporary blurring of his vision, he saw Pyro making for the horizon. "Hey, lad!" he called, but to no avail. He was lost in whatever world he lived in. "Guys, Pyro's gone!"

The group followed in the general direction Pyro had gone, but stopped short when they saw something on the ground to their right. "I'll go see what it is, mates," Sniper announced. So they waited.

And waited.

When he returned, his look was half disgusted and half interested. He held up the items he had found, said, "Here ya go, mate," and threw it at Medic.

And so medic found himself holding a rabbit's separated head and body, decapitated with one clean slash of a blade of some sort. However, Medic was guessing that it was probably an axe. A very specific fire axe.

"This looks like Pyro's doing, no?" he asked his comrades. They all admitted that Pyro was notorious for disturbingly odd acts of evil, and that this fit the bill. "Let's split up to find Pyro. Engie, you stay here to build a portal and get us out of here."

"I'm on it!" came the reply.

And so, the mercenaries went out to search Equestria for their friend/thing.

* * *

Scout and sniper entered the forest, Scout's trusty scattergun at the ready, Sniper ever watchful. Scout looked around at the evergreens surrounding him and shuddered. Ma' had always warned him not to go into forests because he would get…

Lost.

He shot that thought down immediately. He was looking through this forest and getting back out right away. No delays, detours, or distractions.

Then a pine cone hit the ground.

Six shots later, the pine cone was dead, and Scout was breathing heavily. He heard Sniper's signature laugh and looked back at the Australian. "What is wrong with you?" he half yelled, half breathed.

"Bloody hell, that was priceless," was his reply. After an evil glare, they continued looking for Pyro, although they both thought about what would happen if, right now, Pyro was, well…

Being Pyro, basically.

* * *

_Balloonicorn was even more excited than usual. Pyro followed him, wondering what the surprise would be. He hurdled another candy cane that was lying on the ground and found himself outside of the candy cane forest. Balloonicorn promised that they were almost there, so he continued, feeding a few animals that strayed across his path._

_ Soon enough, he skipped up the hill just before the surprise. What he saw nearly made him start crying with joy._

_ Ponies._

_ Ponies EVERYWHERE._

_ It was a typical farm, but here, he saw ponies baking pies, playing games, sewing pretty dresses, having a party. Each one had a cute little design on its leg. There were ponies with wings. And (Pyro almost faints) there were unicorns._

_ UNICORNS._

_ He ran down the hill, eager to spread the sparkles to each and every one of his new friends._

* * *

Soldier and Demo were just walking through the field like two normal people. Then Demo made a remark about the "typical American" and his stereotypical cigar. Soldier immediately stopped walking.

"What did you just say?" he said slowly.

"I say ye 'Mericans think yer so special with yer fancy cigars and pipes and I don't get it one-"

He had to jump back as Soldier took a swing with his shovel, nearly knocking him unconscious. "That will be the last insult you ever use on any non-hippie American! Do you understand me?" Soldier yelled.

"Oh, Aye, mate. I understand perfectly," Demo replied as he whipped out his stickybomb launcher. With a perfect shot, he stuck a bomb to soldiers shovel and, before he could drop it, detonated. Soldier flew high into the sky before landing back on his feet.

"See these?" Soldier introduced a steel-toed boot to Demoman's groin. "They're meant specifically to annoy you, maggot! That fall meant nothing to my skeleton!" He brought out his rocket launcher and looked down the sights at Demo. His target lifted a shield just in time, and he was just thrown back a distance.

"Yer in fer it now, lad," Demo taunted, and was about to send a few grenades at soldier when he noticed a burnt smell in the air. He looked at soldier, and together they said one word.

"Pyro!"

* * *

_The ponies wanted to play hide and seek. So Pyro had joined. They were very good, hiding every time they saw him. He found them though. And because they were so special, he blew bubbles at each and every one. Oh, how they loved the bubbles!_

_ When everyone had a good bubble showering from the rainblower, one pony ran off, inviting him to play tag. He ran after her, leaving a sparkle-covered landscape_ _behind._

* * *

Chapter three is done! I'm not exactly sure where to go with this, but chapter four will either be done by 10:00 tonight or early Wednesday.


	4. Chapter 4

This is chapter 4, and back in the viewpoint of the ponies for the most part. More action and a little drama make an appearance. Thanks to Vultraz168 for your input and help with the spelling. I also decided to edit this to bring it back down to the T rating.

* * *

"What… Can… It… BE?" Twilight was getting frustrated. She had searched three volumes of the Encyclopedia of Creatures front to back, with nothing even resembling the things that had left the portal. "It has to be here somewhere!"

"Are you sure you didn't just see some kind of illusion from the portal?" Spike offered, hoping Twilight would stop complaining.

"It couldn't have been… Ah-hah!" she shouted in victory. "Humans!"

"What on Earth is a human?" Spike wanted to know.

"Humans are sentient beings with vast physical and mental differences between members." _Kind of like ponies_, she thought. "They prefer technological development over magical, and have a wide variety of occupations, hobbies, and even spoken languages. Many have grown so used to adult topics that they constantly…" Twilight cleared her throat and skipped to the next paragraph. "They live in an alternate universe where Earth only contains ponies that are not sentient, or even able to speak."

"What are they doing here, Twilight?" Spike asked.

"Whenever I find out, I'll-" the purple pony began. Just then, Applejack burst in, a look of horror on her face. "Come quickly, Twi'! It's horrible!" she sobbed before dashing back out. With a mixture of curiosity and sadness on their faces, Twilight and Spike left for Applejack's farm.

* * *

What they found when they got there was devastating.

Applejack's family had thrown a small family gathering at their apple farm. Then, according to Applejack, an animal she had never seen before decided to join in the "fun". Apparently, it breathed fire at everyone and everything, finding the ponies wherever they hid. Applejack managed to escape before it noticed her, which was the only reason she was unharmed. The others of her family, well…

Applejack led Twilight to a single, still smoldering table and let her look at what was under. It was Granny Smith.

She had severe burns all along her right flank, and some evil-looking cuts on her hindquarters. Granny, like so many others, had been left with her wounds to get to the hospital alone and injured. Medical ponies were rushing about, using drugs and medication to ease the pain.

Even though she knew most of them would live, Twilight couldn't take the sight of the burns. She ran over to a bush and lost her lunch for a minute or two. When she had recovered, she realized that almost half of Applejack's family had been tortured this way, nearly making her retch again. The other half had simply succumbed to the flames too easily to be rescued. Then a thought struck her. "Where is Applebloom?" she gasped.

"I don't know, Twilight!" Applejack cried, tears streaming down her face. "She isn't here like the rest of 'em!"

"Wait." Twilight thought for a second. "I think I know where she went!"

* * *

"It was horrible!" Applebloom cried. Her friends were with her in the crusaders' clubhouse, trying to comprehend that such an evil as this existed. "Applejack and I are the only ones left!"

"If we knew what that thing was, we could learn how to stop it, right?" Sweetiebell offered. "But we don't, do we?"

"Well," Scootaloo tried to think, "If it was as bad as you say, then wouldn't Twilight help us out? She knows all sorts of stuff like that!"

"Yeah," sniffled Applebloom, a spark of hope igniting in her. "We could ask her."

Applebloom was about to lead them out when she heard an odd noise from below. She peeked out to see what it was as the noise repeated itself.

"NO!" she yelled as flame crawled up the ladder.

* * *

By the time Twilight and Applejack arrived at the clubhouse, it was entirely ablaze. "NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!" the pair screeched. Twilight quickly found the three inside and levitated them out. Applebloom was burnt badly, but could still walk.

Sweetiebell seemed to have the least damage, with only a few minor burns.

But Scootaloo…

Scootaloo was unconcious, and with good reason. She was covered in flame, which Twilight quickly put out. How she made it out alive was beyond Twilight, although she was very happy to see the rise and fall of her chest. "Stay here with the other two," Twilight commanded a crying Sweetiebell. "I'm going to get an ambulance out here."

So, Applejack and Twilight raced off, not remembering what creature caused the disaster in the first place.

* * *

_The ponies looked sad. Pyro and Balloonicorn both wanted to cheer them up so very badly, but he had already sparkled them with all his might. He approached, and at the sight of him, the three little ponies cheered up visibly. He remembered what he had forgotten to do, and, with looks of hope on the three faces before him, he lifted his lollipop._

* * *

A single, high-pitched scream pierced the ears of twilight and Applejack. "Sweetiebell!" they exclaimed together, before racing back to the burnt up tree. Twilight was hoping for the best, but she had a sinking feeling in her gut that she couldn't shake off. When she arrived, her fears were confirmed.

The little ponies were officially gone, with savage slices along their flanks.

The worst part was, the ponies' cutie marks were now clearly visible.

Twilight caught a glimpse of the red figure marching away into the woods, and realized that it was a suit and mask. She swore that she would find a way to stop it from killing off her family and friends. For now, it was headed away from most of Ponyville, so she would help it's victims first.

As she left, she wondered what cruel thoughts lay behind that mask.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about the late update. We're back in the Tf2 viewpoint again. Feel free to offer suggestions, advice, or critique. The capo's capper, the weather master, and the familiar fez are described. If you are like me and can't read French, it says, "Of all the morons I have seen…" but I may be off a little.

* * *

"Nom nom nom. Nom nom." Heavy took yet another bite of his sandwich as he, Medic, and spy made their way to the odd little town Spy had spotted. "Nom nom-"

"If you make one more sound sandwich is getting a bath in some jarate!" Spy yelled, highly annoyed by the constant sound heavy made at lunchtime.

Heavy stopped eating for a little while, before beginning to nom as soft as he could. Spy reached the end of his rope and slapped the sandwich out of Heavy's hands. "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Heavy yelled as the sandwich hit the ground. Grabbing it from the grass, he begged "You can save him, right?"

As Medic tried to explain the difference between Sandvich and humans, Spy muttered, "_De tous les abrutis que j'ai vu…_" Then he noticed that they had already entered the city. "Stop your petty quarreling and get over here!" he commanded. They looked up at the tall, purple house in front of them.

"Inside!" Heavy proclaimed, before going in the front door without waiting for the other two. Looking around for any unwanted spectators, they followed.

Inside, they found dresses, jewelry, and all kinds of clothing and garments. Strangely enough, they had four armholes. Nobody noticed, however, because Heavy had made a far more important discovery.

"HATS!" He was yelling as he ripped open a chest full of fedoras, ball caps, top hats, and every other kind of hat in existence. They plowed through in no time and found a few to their liking. Heavy found a simple black fedora with a gray stripe, Medic had a Spartan helmet, and Spy found a fez and sunglasses. Happy with their new items, they continued exploring the purple house.

They found a bedroom with more clothing scattered about and a large, luxurious bed in its center. "Should vhe be snooping in a woman's room?" Medic asked himself.

Spy answered "No," and walked in.

Sadly for all three, they didn't find any bras, panties, or other things they should not have been looking for. They did hear a feminine voice downstairs, crying its eyes out, so they all bailed and jumped out the window.

A somewhat beaten Spy stood up and yelled, "I'm alive!"

Medic landed on him. Not seeing the form below, he stood up and declared, "I live!" Then, he looked up and saw Heavy on his way to the ground.

"_Schiza_" he cursed.

* * *

Engie finished the last component of his crude portal and whooped with victory. "Now that's how you build a portal!" He looked around for his teammates, but the hilly countryside prevented him from seeing which way any of them had gone. He was about to head off in a random direction when he saw Soldier in the distance, flying high up into the air. Soldier shot two rockets, one of which was headed straight towards Engie…

He dove to the side as the rocket destroyed his portal. He stared at the wreckage, frustrated, before lifting his middle finger in Soldier's general direction. With a sigh, he grabbed a piece from his dispenser and began rebuilding the portal.

* * *

"Ya' think anyone's in there?" Scout whispered to sniper. They were standing outside of a large hut in the woods, with Sniper up in a tree, scoping out the premises. "Maybe Pyro wandered in there and took a nap or something."

"If Pyro wandered in there, this hut would be a bloody pile of ashes! And I do see something happening on the other side of the house, but its too dark to tell." He checked the door on their side. "It's safe to go in, mate. Let's go."

They crept into the back door, bat and knife at the ready. It was dark in the tight quarters, and they had to feel their way around the hallways. Light began to emerge from the end of the hall, and they crept forward even slower. On the count of three, they burst into the circular room to find…

A bunch of wounded horses being healed by a zebra.

"Now that's some shonky business right there," Sniper whispered to Scout. Every one of the Ponies was staring at them, wide-eyed. For a while, nothing moved. Then, another horse entered from another room and said, "Well, I'm back!"

Out of reflex, Scout swung.

Derpy Hooves collapsed on the floor, out cold. Every other pony in the room screamed and ran around before most of them escaped. "What. Was. THAT?" Sniper asked, wide-eyed, as the final pony face planted in its rush to get out. "Did that horse just say something?"

"I dunno, man," Scout shuddered, "but this is gettin' way too weird for me." The pair ran off and out of the woods, screaming every time they saw one of the ponies.

* * *

_Pyro woke up and stood up, feeling re-invigorated and fresh. He had more friends to play with, so he pranced off towards the town, ready to bring on the joy. As always, every bunny and squirrel he saw got to taste the sugary goodness of his lollipop._

* * *

That's it for this chapter. Try not to worry about the ponies from last chapter; their fates will be further explained and dealt with in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for being so late with the update, but chances are that from here on out, I will rarely be posting on any days other than the weekends. Anyway, this is the ponies' viewpoint again. For the part with the pancake, keep in mind that these ponies have never seen a human being before.

* * *

Twilight stood with Applejack and Pinkypie, who were the only ones to show up at the hospital. Pinkypie's hair hung straight down as she wept. They knew what the news was going to be, and it was almost unbearable for the trio, whose former life's biggest problems had been a forgotten cake or a single argument.

"They'll live," the doctor said as he came out of the ER with four patients close behind.

"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, what?" Applejack asked, confused by the sudden turn of events.

"But how? They were burnt to a crisp!" Twilight wondered with mixed feelings of joy and surprise.

"Well, Maybe it was the magic of friendship that brought us together in the time of crisis and kept them from going anywhere!" a now curly haired Pinkypie hypothesized.

Twilight stared at her for a long, hard moment. Perhaps it was the experience of such a horrible occurrence, or the shock of the ponies being able to survive, but Twilight was not in a "Friendship is magic" moment. Still staring, she created a mouse icon out of thin air and dragged Pinky's mouth into a garbage can. "I guess Trixie did teach me something!" she laughed as they all left, Pinkypie fuming behind.

* * *

Rarity had no idea what had happened at the Apple farm, or the fact that Granny Smith and the three young ponies had nearly bitten the dust. She still ran into her house, crying her eyes out. Why?

Her hoof had a speck of dirt stuck to it.

"WAAAAAAAAAH!" she cried as she sprinted for the upstairs sink. Going at nearly light speed, she grabbed some steel wool and scrubbed fast enough to create sparks. She lifted it and inspected the result.

IT WAS STILL THERE.

Looking about frantically, she saw a pair of scissors and, only a little nervous, decided that amputation was the only answer. She grabbed the giant slicing mechanism and was about to chop her wrist off when she noticed something.

That wasn't paint. It was hoof polish.

Rarity sighed with relief and got some nail polish remover. Once the speck was gone, she let out another sigh. Then she remembered something she had seen on her way up to the sink.

Her only chest of hats was open.

She raced down the stairs at full speed, seeing that it was indeed open. She dug through the sombreros and top hats frantically, looking to see if anything had been lost. "If somepony has stolen my hats…" she grumbled, before coming to a conclusion. Three hats were missing, including her beloved fez.

She dashed back upstairs to find her window open. Looking out, she saw what looked like a large pancake with four corners on the ground. "How odd," she said, before walking away from the window. Thinking nothing of it, she picked up the phone to order replacements when it started ringing. "Come quickly," Twilight said from the other end, before hanging up.

So she did.

* * *

Twilight had invited all five of her friends to brainstorm ideas on how to end the menace. So far, nobody was thinking as radically as she was hoping they would.

"We could bake it a pie and be its friend," Pinkypie said, bouncing up and down.

"No," Applejack responded. "Something that sets fire to everypony it sees won't stop to reason for some dessert." She paced the length of Twilight's library and thought. "What if we lured it into some kind of trap, took it deep into the Everfree forest, and let it go?" she asked.

"Getting better, but it might find its way back here." Rainbowdash came up with an idea of her own. "What if we call the Wonderbolts-"

"No," Twilight said simply. "We need to take drastic measures to ensure the safety of our town. Friendship isn't going to solve this alone. We need a bold, cunning plan that can't possibly fail. We need-" She smiled creepily.

"An ursa minor."

* * *

"I CAN'T DO IT!" Fluttershy screamed at the entrance of the cave.

"Yes you-" the rest began, before she darted in and led the bear out at light speed.

"Well, here it is, now this was fun and all, but I have to go." Fluttershy tried to escape, but was dragged back. "Fine," she grumbled. She gave the starry bear Twilight's mentally formed image of the nine creatures she had seen. With a roar, it sped off.

"Now that they are taken care of, we can all rest in peace," Twilight smiled with pride, before seeing Fluttershy unconscious on the ground. So the friends dragged her off into the night, and as the Ursa Minor's cries resonated over the hills, they all slept soundly. Except for Fluttershy, who thought every noise was the walls being breached by an angry Ursa.


	7. Chapter 7

I TOLD YOU ABOUT WEEKENDS, so don't be that guy that wonders why I just added a new chapter now. Get ready for the fight and a new character!

* * *

_Demoman and Soldier were bouncing towards him with glee. He went over to them, saying goodbye to the ponies he had been playing with and giving one last burst from his golden sparkle gun. Just as he came up to them, balloonicorn told him it was time for a nap. With a powdery puff of magic, he fell asleep._

* * *

"There he is, mate!" yelled Demo in triumph. "That's Pyro if I've ever seen 'im!"

"And I smell… Meat!" Soldier exclaimed, smiling. This was rare, as the only things that excited him were American jobs, cigars, and fancy new things to sound war cries with. He decided meat deserved to be on the list as well.

The pair strode up to Pyro, but before either of them could do anything he simply collapsed on the ground. As Demo wondered what was wrong with him, Soldier realized that the smell of meat was not steaks or hot dogs, as the patriot within him expected. It was…

"Horses?" He stomped back to Demo, who was dragging Pyro towards Engie's project site. "This is not a farm! Horsemeat is not a food! If I find the maggot that…" He continued mumbling at the sudden and unexpected lack of grilled joy.

The two dragged Pyro to Engie, who promptly slapped Soldier and got him working on the portal. Demo lifted his Stickybomb launcher and fired three shots high into the air, detonating each at the peak of their ascents.

* * *

It wasn't long before the rest of the team returned. "What on Earth is the bloody mess on your head?" Sniper asked Spy in half mockery, half jealousy.

"A fez. I wear a fez now." They would have begun another fight amongst themselves if not for the incredible roar that shook the very Earth beneath them.

The Ursa Minor had arrived.

The team quickly recognized it as a threat, and grabbed their weapons. "Incoming!" shouted Heavy, who had Sascha spinning away. "Big bear wants us dead! We need to move forward!"

And so the team engaged the giant.

Bullets flew everywhere as Sascha spat forth the fury of a Russian mountain of muscle. The beast was intrigued by it, but quickly found that the closer it got, the more it hurt. Then, from the other side, it was nearly knocked over by a barrage of explosive force in grenade and rocket form. It turned to swipe at them both, but a sharp pain hit him in the knee. Scout went to work on all four limbs with Scattergun and Pistol firing together.

"Steady, steady…" murmured Sniper, waiting for the bear to turn its head. When it did, he took the shot. The bear's left eye exploded in a burst of clear, sparkling liquid, the appearance of which did not amuse the bear. He readied another bullet as Pyro took notice of the pretty animal and joined in. At this rate, they were good to go.

Then Heavy was sent over the hills with one swipe.

"I must go and find him!" Medic yelled over the fray. Spy nodded before vanishing and making his way to the bear in stealth. Engie planted a sentry where Heavy had been before, keeping the fire on the bear on all sides. He noticed that stars from the sky seemed to fill in the wounds the team was creating.

"We can't win like this!" he yelled even as his sentry went down and he prepared another. We need another approach!"

Spy appeared atop the beast and cheered, "Did you forget about me?" before stabbing the beast in the neck. When it opened its mouth, he fired into its mouth with his revolver. He watched as the stars failed to fill the holes he had created. "Hit it in the mouth!" he yelled, before forcing it to roar again.

Scout climbed into the bear's mouth and began destroying its starry oral features. It realized this and tried to chew him to death. He escaped, but his leg did not. Luckily, Medic had heavy on the end of his medigun and was on his way back. "Doc, my leg!" he shouted in pain, before catching the bottle of pills that medic threw.

"Did you fix Medigun?" Heavy asked, referring to the time when an ubercharge had blown Heavy to bits.

"No!" was the reply, before Medic hit the ubercharge switch.

Heavy felt his heart take to the new energy like a magnet to iron, and he saw the same, amazingly, with Sascha. As he fired into the open maw of the Ursa Minor, he saw lightning form around Sascha's barrel. As he and all 8 of the other Reds went into the beast's belly, he let loose a cry of rage, that this thing would dare put his friends and his food in danger.

All of the expected organs one would find in a bear were present, but simply melted when they took too much damage. As Pyro found out, it was also flammable. With every step, more of the night sky rained down upon them, leaving nothing but a trail of explosions, ooze, and flame behind.

As the bear was dying, they fell through the bottom of its belly, still aiming at what was left. Soon, that amounted to nothing but a single wisp of smoky skin. With one final shot from Pyro's flare gun, it burst into a constellation, which quickly took its place in the night sky.

"What in the Sam hell was that?" Engie breathed, vaguely noticing the wreckage of his second teleporter. As they all discussed the creature's origin, only Pyro noticed the shape the constellation formed.

_Balloonicorn._

* * *

Back in the 1960's, the disappearance of Red's mercenaries was plain as day, and needed to be investigated before Blu launched an attack. The self-hired detective walked into the Dustbowl infirmary and saw a random peace symbol on the wall. He stared at it menacingly, and it burst into flame. "Hippies…" he muttered. Then he saw the gigantic portal standing open before him.

And with a cry of "SAXTON HALE!" the leader of Mann Co. jumped into the unknown world of equestria.


	8. Chapter 8

This update is ridiculously late, partly because of tehnical difficulties and partly because of school related events. In any case, pony time! (thanks to vultraz again for giving me the idea for the entire first half).

* * *

Fluttershy recovered from the terror of the ursa faster than she would have any other time. Perhaps it was that ursas are, in fact, just somewhat exagerated forest creatures, but she managed to hold off the nightmares long enough to pass out until morning.

And when Fluttershy woke up, her animal friends came wih her.

It was this way every day: feed them breakfast, greet any newcomers, water the flowers. Fluttershy had a simple life (except when her friends got involved) and she did what she could to keep it that way.

It wouldn't last forever.

She had just finished pulling a splinter from her hamster's foot when a shadow briefly flashed across the entire yard. Fluttershy dove for cover immediately and rose with a flower stem at the ready. Shivering violently, she peered around the yard until her eyes met the crater.

Moving ever so slowly, Fluttershy's mind raced with thoughts of ursa majors, particularly ones whose families had been led astray previously. With one last wish to Celestia, she screeched and swung the stem.

It collided with a substance harder than any man made metal, upon which it snapped. The pegasus gulped as she looked down at the flower's remains before gazing upward.

And what she saw made her freeze in place.

A gigantic ape-ish thing with an outrageous shoulder-to-waist ratio glared back, sunlight glinting off his bushy brown mustache. His chest rumbled with the force of thunder, and the air grew hotter with his every breath.

He blinked.

* * *

"Well, girls, I think we can safely say that these wierdos are gone for good," Twilight cheered over a fresh mug of apple cider (friendship can accomplish anything, including the complete repair of a many-acre farm in one morning). All six of the best friends (plus Spike) were there, save Fluttershy, who they thought was still warding her home against ursas or clutching her teddy desperately.

"Good work, Twi'" Applejack agreed, apparently stable now that her family was safe. "I couldn't have done it better mah'self! You always come up with the perfect solution to everything!"

"Twilight?" Spike said nervously, seeing an explosion off in the distance.

"That was totally radical! Who would come up with the idea to use one animal to drive another out?" Rainbowdash also complimented.

"Twilight..." Spike continued, seeing a figure rise high into the sky and fall again.

"Super terrific Twilight!" Pinkypie laughed, drinking her 666th cider in a row. She belched and tried to stand up, but the recently formed rolls of stomach filled with cider advised her to stay put.

"Twilight!" Spike prodded at Twilight more urgently.

"WHAT?" Twilight finally responded in anger.

"Well, its just that something's going on over at Fluttershy's place..."

* * *

Saxton Hale wasted no time once he saw the cutie mark. Fluutershy barely picked herself up from the shockwave induced by his eyelids colliding with one another when he grabbed her and beat her with one of her rabbits. She cried more for the rabbit than herself.

But the pegasus was about to think differently about things. With a cry of "DEMON HIPPIE!" Saxton delivered a closed fist to Fluttershy's face. She flew back through several buildings before collapsing inside somepony's kitchen.

Saxton was still at work on the "Hippie Den" when a mentally disturbed Fluttershy began making her way aroung Ponyville. She moved with purpose, not letting the odd glances or reflections slow her. She had a philosophy, and she was letting everyone know about it, no matter how many missing teeth or cerebral bruises she had.

* * *

By the time the other five found her, she was still having a heated debate with a potted plant about the theory that their entire life was just a show for little kids.

But then again, 3500 newtons of force to the face will make anyone break the fourth wall.

Once they had Fluttershy in the ER, the doctors worked unusually fast, especially considering they had to endure the moqnings of "humans" and "The Hub" the entire time. And once she was operating at near full capacity, the building emptied completely.

Twilight led everyone outside to figure out why, but it was the newly fixed brain that found an answer first.

"They all left!"

Every single pony was gone, and in one direction too. No evidence that a pony had been there at all was a single, uneaten cupcake on a lunch table. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it at all. Twilight was very confused, to say the least.

Then she saw the cause.

They were back.

* * *

It only took ten minutes for the six ponies to realize that there was no more trickery to use to solve the problem. They needed magic. Powerful magic.

They needed the elements of Harmony.

So, with each and every element around its wearer's neck, the friends went to make a stand.

It was still a bright snd sunny day when they stood about 50 yards from the things that started it all. The nine figures continued to approach at an almost leisurely pace. "Who are you, and why are you doing this?" Twilight yelled across the expanse.

There was no reply from the nine figures.

"If you do not stop wrecking our town, we will be forced to emprison you with the power of these six Elements!" Twilight warned again.

The figures continued their approach.

"Last chance!" Twilight yelped one last time, her nerves cracking through her tone on the final attempt at peace.

But nothing changed.

And so, with a flick of the tail, Twilight's element began to glow. The six glowed brighter still as their eight targets finally stopped and stared at them.

Just before the power let loose, a thought ran itself through Twilight's mind.

_Eight?_


End file.
